Memories
by Moya-chan
Summary: Chad recalls the events of his relationship with Ichigo, from the first moment they met to first night spent together. NC17, yaoi, don't come in if you don't like. Rated for sexual content and lemony goodness. Mature readers only.


**Fandom:** Bleach  
**Title: **"Memories"  
**Pairing: **Chad / Ichigo  
**Rating:** NC-17/M. Smutty fic, one lime and one lemon scene.  
**Warnings:** Spoilers to Soul Society arc. Nothing drastic, but meh. EXTREME FLUFF WARNING :P I simply cannot write smut and not balance it out with fluff.  
**Beta:** SufferingAngel  
**Summary:** I don't know if I should call it a PWP, since the smut takes only 1/3 of the whole lenght of fic... meh. Chad recalls the events of his relationship with Ichigo, from the first moment they met to first night spent together.

-------------------

Chad laid still, flat on his back, listening to Ichigo's breathing. He was not that sleepy, really. Ichigo was already in Morpheus's embrace; He drifted away a few minutes ago, tired and spent due to their earlier activity. They still were covered in a thin layer of sweat, but Chad decided that Ichigo's face nuzzling his neck was more then enough to convince him not to move away for the shower.

He petted that orange hair lazily with just the tips of his fingers, occasionally brushing against the other boy's neck, causing him to shiver in his sleep.

Sado knew that he was completely entrapped, that he will never be able to get free from him...

And sure as hell, he didn't mind it at all.

The first time he saw him, Ichigo was sprawled on the ground, heavily beaten up, but his opponents were in much, much worse state. Wiping off blood from his face with his sleeve, Ichigo seemed not to care about his injuries. His body ached and his head was dizzy, so Chad silently followed him to make sure that the boy got home in more or less one piece. He remembered staring at Ichigo's hair, thinking it looked a bit funny. Only when he found out later on that it was his natural color and that people bullied him for it, he decided that 'funny' was not the right word.

Then there was that day, where he himself got in trouble and his Abuelo's memento was about to be destroyed. Chad struggled against the ropes, felt like screaming with horror and almost, _almost_ broke his ribs while trying to set himself free. But Ichigo was there, much to Chad's surprise, fighting back for the complete stranger that he was back then, getting all roughed up again just for the sake of saving his treasure. And the promise... ah, the promise that Ichigo made to him while lying by his feet, holding up his medallion. Any other day, any other situation, the whole scene would look too awkward to take it seriously. But ever since that day Chad knew he would die to protect Ichigo.

Hanging out seemed only natural, once they got more familiar with each other. Ichigo was at first a bit embarrassed to be seen in public with the other boy, whose fashion sense seemed to still be stuck in the early American '70. The Hawaiian shirts creeped him out, all right. But in time he grew to even like them, as Chad was one of the few people on the street who dared to wear such vivid colors and brightened up the crowd, with its endless stream of black and white suits of the salary men.

Ichigo was at first surprised to find out that Chad had such a big weakness towards cute things. That was probably why he smiled at Yuzu once they got to hang out at Ichigo's house, or why he always stopped in front of pet shops, to stare at the kittens that were up for sale.

Ah yes, the cats.

Chad seemed to spend all his money for cat food which he fed to the felines living near his trash container. Ichigo wondered if the other teen refused sometimes to treat himself to a meal just for sake of buying another can of pet food. That certainly was a possibility.

Chad at first felt scared when he entered the Kurosaki clinic for the first time. Not only did Ichigo's father tackle his son in the middle of the hallway, successfully knocking him back, but the huge poster of Masaki on the kitchen wall seemed a bit too weird.

He learned about her death by accident, hearing some people gossip in school. But he never asked directly, knowing it was better for him to wait. And he was right. Eventually Ichigo confessed his secret, while Chad was sleeping over at his place. In the darkness of the room, Chad laid silently on his spare futon on the floor, listening as his best friend shared with him the most painful memory of his life, voice sometimes quivering, as if he were fighting off the sadness that lingered in his tone.

Later on lots of things happened almost all at once. Rukia's arrival, Ichigo changing into a Shinigami, the Hollows... Chad felt left behind. Even though back then he didn't really knew what was going on, he still felt left out when Ichigo disappeared for larger periods of time, with that new transfer student. Now, as he laid with comfortably warm Ichigo in his arms he knew that the hot, angry feeling he felt then at sight or Rukia was plain jealousy.

Their first kiss was something that Chad was supposed to remember clearly, but sadly, he did not. He only recalled that it happened soon after they left Soul Society and to celebrate that win they had a small party at Urahara's shop. They didn't drink much, but he guessed that the wicked owner could have added something to their drinks, since the world was spinning way too fast and he felt uncomfortably hot. Not paying attention to the fact that _someone_ (and he didn't want to know _who_) was making out shamelessly in the corner of the dark room, Chad stood from his place on the couch and went outside to get some fresh air.

Once there the cold air seemed to cool him down a little bit, but his head was still foggy. In the corner of his eye he noticed Ichigo crouching by the building's wall, eyes closed, brows furrowed.

"Ichigo?" He got closer to other boy. "Are you feeling sick?"

The orange-haired teen just shook his head in silent protest, so Sado said nothing more and just slumped down against the wall as well.

It happened in a moment, a brief second when Chad thought he heard Ichigo's breath slow down, then there was a warm hand working its way trough his hair. Chad turned to look at his best friend, only to find Ichigo close, pressing their lips together.

It was a short, very short kiss, inexperienced, a set of dry lips touching for a brief second, accompanied with long but confused looks when it was over.

Their second kiss was better, a proper one at least. This time it was Chad's turn to make the first move, so he did. It was a free hour before lunch time, their teacher called in sick and the class had one lesson off. Ichigo was sprawled comfortably on the school roof, glad the sun already managed to warm the cement up, his mp3 player providing him with newest jrock CD he had bought not so long ago. He felt Chad's reiatsu as he approached and seated himself next to him, eating his lunch.

Ichigo turned the volume down, only a little, so he could still enjoy his music but listen to his friend as well. _If_ he felt like talking, that is.

A few songs passed, and there was still silence between them. It wasn't awkward nor uncomfortable; During their years of friendship they both got used to _not_ talking. Sado was glad, he didn't have to amuse him with chit chat if he didn't feel like it, and Kurosaki had the chance to rest his ears from the constant talking of his friends and family - Which, to tell the truth, was a blessing sometimes.

He flipped the player's switch off, shutting down the music in a second and raised himself on his elbows, looking at the city buildings.

"They opened this new gaming place down the street. Want to check it out after school?"

"Sure." Chad replied simply, finishing his apple juice and putting the empty bottle behind him.

Ichigo nodded and then raised his head up, watching the sky.

"Have you... Have you thought about what happened? At Urahara's place?"

Chad was surprised that Kurosaki started up that particular subject; they haven't really talked about it even once.

"Yes."

Ichigo cringed, brows knitting together, the shadow of a faint blush creeping up his cheeks. Chad couldn't help but smile, glad that the other boy wasn't looking at him at that moment; He would have killed him, thinking that he was laughing at him.

"Listen Chad, I was drunk and... I didn't... I mean I... Man, this is hard."

He sat up, rubbing the back of his head and messing already ruffled hair. He was startled when a large hand dropped on his arm and the other one grabbed his chin gently as a pair of warm lips descended on his own in a soft kiss.

Ichigo didn't protest. Far from it even; he turned around to sit more comfortably, one arm circling Sado's neck, the other hand resting lightly on his cheek. Strong arms wound around his waist and Ichigo couldn't help but to gasp in surprise, his fingertips caressing the smooth skin of his face.

'_It is different from the first time._' The orange-haired teen wondered as the kiss continued and he closed his eyes, lashes fluttering nervously. Oh yes, it was different._Better_.

Chad made a small noise of approval, coming out in the shape of almost a growl and Ichigo decided it was now or never. Opening his mouth in a silent invitation his tongue darted out to touch the full, dark lips of his best friend.

The gesture startled Chad, but he did not move away. Quite the contrary, he obliged the silent request and responded in the exact same way. They were both inexperienced and it showed in the sloppiness of their first real kiss - the unsure movements of tongues, daring to touch more, to test out how far they can go. Teeth clicked hard together by accident and the impact caused them both to part with small 'Ow' escaping their lips. One look at Chad's surprised face though was more then enough to make Kurosaki laugh.

"I forgot what I was about to say." He huffed, lips red and slightly swollen from the hard use. He smiled like a cat that just spotted his prey. "And it's your fault. How do you plan to make up for it?"

"I think I might have a few ideas." Chad whispered back as he held him closer and raised his head to meet his lips once again.

-------------------

Kissing was something that came to them naturally, or so they chose to think. There were no more confused looks, no overrated modesty as they learned from each other. It took them time to adjust, since they have never really kissed anyone before, but eventually they did and it was great. At the first few times the developing french kiss left them unsure if they were doing it right and the teeth came to collision a few more times, but in the end it seemed like they could spend hours just kissing.

Ichigo knew it was not the smartest idea to kiss Sado in school, even if he thought no one could see them. Of course, there was always the risk and the result of the first time they were discovered came down on them _hard_. Orihime gasped in shock as she stumbled upon them in the empty classroom, Ichigo seated on top of his desk and being kissed to oblivion by none other but his best friend.

She ran away in tears of course and Ichigo didn't have the guts to run after her. It was not like he could escape a confrontation any time soon. And he was right; A very loud and very pissed off Tatsuki found him on his way home and for the first time in his life Ichigo didn't protest or fight back when she beat him up. It was violent, it was unfair, but Kurosaki took it all without a word. In the end it was her who was crying, not because her fists were bruised and hurting from hard use. She said nothing as Ichigo stood up, wiped blood from his face and eventually patted her on the arm, muttering a soft 'sorry' under his breath.

He made up with Orihime, naturally. The usually bouncy teen had been feeling down for quite a long time, but Ichigo thought that it was something she just had to go trough and his presence was only making it all worse for her. He did not isolate himself from her, but he didn't stay too close, either. After some time he noticed that once again she was smiling when greeting him in school. Things seemed to be patched up between them, much to his relief.

The first time they had gone beyond kissing was completely spontaneous.

Ichigo seemed to like hanging out at Chad's place, as they had peace and quiet there, not like in Kurosaki's household, where either his father sometimes made his life miserable, or there was some medical emergency.

Chad's apartment was really small; He couldn't afford much when he was being supported by some distant relatives from Mexico and only had the occasional cash he earned while playing his guitar. But Ichigo loved it either way, it was more then he could wish for. Of course, he loved his family to death, but they could be so... annoying at times. The small kitchen was merged with the even smaller living room, where a king sized old sofa took up most of the space. The tiny TV which hadn't been used much anyway fitted just right on the coffee table. Right in the next room was his bedroom and study, connected to bathroom and shower.

It was small, but cozy and it was unmistakably Chad's.

They were both seated comfortably on the sofa, Ichigo's back nested safely against Chad's chest. Ichigo had warned his father that he will stay over at Chad's place, since they had a huge math test coming up the next day. In the evening they decided they could drop studying and take a break for an hour or two, so they ordered food and turned on the TV to watch some cheesy American movie. It wasn't very interesting and soon Ichigo found himself yawning and dozing into sleep. Only when his eyes closed for a moment he was jerked away to reality by chuckle that escaped his partner.

"What's so funny?" Ichigo rubbed his sleepy eyes with back of his hand and crooked his neck to look at the other teen.

"You're using me as a pillow."

The orange-haired boy blinked blankly a few times.

"Oh." Once again his lips curved into a smirk. "You mind?"

"Not at all."

The kiss that came a second later started up slowly, gently, as if Ichigo still was in dreamland. But soon enough he parted his lips, inviting Chad to explore inside, which he did, naturally. Tongues stroked each other, caressing, unsteady breaths warming up each other's cheeks.

It was heaven, Ichigo thought, as Chad's lips traveled by his jaw line towards that spot behind his ear, which always turned him into a mush. But his neck was strained at the weird angle, so with the greatest effort he pulled away for a brief moment to turn around and sit in the other boy's lap, facing him.

They kissed again, the darkness of the room only lit up by the randomly blinking TV screen. Ichigo gasped when Chad's palms gently cupped his ass, kneading softly the muscles that hid underneath his sweatpants. He always liked Chad's large, strong hands, even more when he was touching him like that. He was starting to feel hot, too hot for his own good and from what he could see, Sado wasn't feeling any different. Ichigo took a deep, shuddering breath to calm himself down and started to suck slowly at Chad's neck and collarbone just above the line of his t-shirt, hands massaging gently the broad shoulders, running them over his chest and occasionally brushing across a nipple. That left Chad gasping for air but he fought it off quickly and brought their lips together for another kiss.

Chad's hand moved from his buttock to front and Ichigo let out a startled moan, muffled by the intense kiss. He backed away for a second, tensing visibly and stared at the brown eyes of his lover with a confused and unsure look. The touch was good, almost_ too_ good... But he wasn't really sure if he was fully comfortable with it yet.

Yet Chad's eyes were calm and he held his gaze while his hand went still so as to not to disturb the pleasant touch. He himself knew what he wanted and it was to touch the other boy. He was already feeling like he could burst.

"Ichigo" Chad whispered while nuzzling his cheek with the tip of his nose. "Is it okay?"

Ichigo stayed tense for a moment more before letting his muscles relax, leaning his head to rest his forehead on the other's shoulder.

"Yeah" He whispered back, clinging to the sinewy arms. "It's ok..."

Chad kissed his neck softly and with a small nod, as if he was trying to reassure himself as well, he finally pushed his hand past the elastic rim of Ichigo's pants, reaching down to gently cup the boy in his hand.

Ichigo moaned unusually loudly, the sound startling them both a bit. His grip on Chad's arms became tighter, as the other boy moved his palm slowly, his mind trying to process to itself that he was just getting his first hand-job ever in his whole life.

Chad tried to stay cool, to focus only on giving out pleasure, but the next throaty moan that escaped his lover's lips made him twitch in anticipation. His hand on the already hard shaft stroked a little harder and faster.

The pants were in the way.

Reaching down with his other hand Chad pulled them down a bit, enough to ease his movement. Ichigo was blushing, which didn't help to reduce the pressure on his own jeans.

Chad wasn't _that_ inexperienced, he had touched himself before, but this... this was something else. Ichigo wasn't any smaller then he was, but he felt weird in his hand, the texture and feel were... different. His fingers danced across that length, trying to recall the pressure he used when he was pleasing himself, knowing it will probably apply to Ichigo as well.

"Oh_ fuck_..." Ichigo breathed throatily into his neck when Chad used his thumb to caress the tip of his erection, teasing the sensitive head.

Before the bigger teen could register that trough his sex-focused mind, the young Shinigami was already fondling with the zipper of his jeans, pulling it down and pushing his t-shirt up at the same time.

"Don't think I'm the one… who will get all the fun." He smirked, but the effect was somewhat spoiled by the dark blush across his cheeks. At first he seemed like hesitating, but all rational thought escaped his mind when he freed Chad's aching length from the confines of his jeans. The groan from other boy when he touched him sent a little shock of pleasure down his body.

Chad surely wasn't expecting the orange-haired boy taking over part of the initiative. He wasn't sure the boy would allow him to touch him, let alone give the affection back. But sure as hell, he didn't mind at all. He thought that Ichigo might be vocal when it came to sex, but much to his surprise, he turned out to be quite the silent lover, keeping his moans low and whispering instead of screaming.

They were touching each other and for the time being Ichigo felt like he was going to die from pure pleasure. He had never experienced something so private, so _erotic_ with anyone before. Touching himself in the shower was nothing compared to _this_.

Chad brought their members together, slick with precum and rubbed them against each other, causing them both to moan exactly at the same time.

"Oh please... Chad, _please_..." Ichigo's whispers became more desperate. He was close and he knew it, his body tensing and his breathes coming in short, throaty gasps. And there it was, last a slick jerk of Chad's big, warm hand and he was lost, letting out a strangled sound he could never classify even if he tried to. He shivered, toes curling slightly inwards, fingers holding Chad's shoulders in a death grip. He almost blacked out, but with rest of his willpower he managed to look down and stare at Chad, locking their gazes together.

The look on Ichigo's face when he came, the sounds he made and the look in his eyes, heavy, filled with love and lust and lids only half open... The feel of the other boy's seed splattering on his lower stomach... It was all he could take and he tensed, letting out a needy growl, his own release flowing trough his fingers.

Ichigo leaned over, once again supporting his forehead on Chad's shoulder. He was still shivering slightly; they both were, basking in the afterglow.

"_Holy shit_..." Ichigo summed it up and Chad knew no words could describe it better.

-------------------

The very first time it happened took them both by surprise. They were just coming out of the cinema, the rather chilly evening forcing them to zip their jackets and hide their faces behind their collars. They were waiting for a the bus to take them from the town centre closer to their part of Karakura Town. It was cold and they were alone on the bus stop, so Chad didn't hesitate much to pull the other boy closer to him, locking him in an embrace, in which Ichigo snuggled contently. A few moments passed like that before they both almost jumped at the yell behind them.

"Fags!" Some men were standing not so far away, apparently walking down the street until they saw the teenagers. "Get the fuck out of here!"

Ichigo tensed, ready to move and fight back, but Chad just held him tighter and shook his head, silently saying it was not worth it. Still dazed he followed Chad when the bigger teen started to walk away, roaring laughter and crude words behind their backs.

They stopped around the corner, a distance of two streets between them and the men.

"You okay?" Chad tried to look at Ichigo, but his head was hung low, eyes covered by shadows and orange bangs. He himself, with his looks and heritage, was used to people offending him randomly, at least as much as one could get used to such behavior.

"I don't care..." Chad heard his whisper, so faint it almost escaped his notice. But Ichigo looked up on him now, face tense and determined. "I don't care. Let them say what they want." As if to emphasize his words he raised his head and brought Chad's face lower, closing the distance with a kiss.

But Chad knew he _did_ care, just wouldn't admit it.

Unfortunately, the next similar encounter wasn't any better.

Chad stared with horror at his school locker, wide open and completely destroyed. Someone used spray to write curses and ugly nicknames all over the door and the insides of the locker was flooding with red paint that covered almost every single one of his possessions; books, clothes for P.E. class and new sport shoes he finally managed to buy after saving up for weeks, cutting down his every day expenses.

No one of the faculty or security knew who did it, of course. School corridors were crowded; people gathered to watch in amusement as Chad slowly emptied his locker, checking if there was anything that could be saved.

There was nothing.

He heard Orihime coming up to him and saying something in comfort. As a girl who had a huge crush on Ichigo she was quick to sympathize with him. A silly thought crossed Chad's mind then, that she must have finally understood what he and Ichigo will have to go trough and that they will be never fully accepted in society.

That day Ichigo felt like he could burst with fury. Chad got the principal's agreement to go home earlier and the young Shinigami decided he didn't want to bother him with an unexpected visit, so he went to the Kurosaki clinic after school. Once he entered his home he didn't dodge his father's somersault kick, which left him with a painfully large bruise on his ribs. He didn't pay attention to Yuzu and Karin scolding their father and moved to the living room, grabbing the phone. He leaned heavily against the wall, suddenly feeling like his whole life force was sucked out of him, and his hurting ribs didn't help at all.

"Hey" He said softly, as the familiar 'Hello?' came from the other side of the line. "You got home already?"

That was a stupid question to which Ichigo knew the answer, but he had no idea how to start that conversation.

"Yeah."

There was a moment of silence and Ichigo used it to check if anyone was eavesdropping, but he was pleased to see that his family was in the kitchen, already preparing for dinner.

"Listen..." Ichigo sighed heavily, leaning his head against the wall and closing his eyes. "I'm really sorry about what happened earlier..."

"It was not your fault."

"But I feel like it." Ichigo's fingers played with phone cord.

"I'm used to it anyway."

"Don't say that." He huffed, suddenly feeling angry. "That shit isn't something you can get used to."

Silence. The strawberry-blonde boy almost smacked himself for his outburst.

"Ichigo, there might be more of that in the future and you know it."

Of course he knew. Ever since that day in front of the cinema and that beer bottle crashing by their feet after being thrown at them. The realization hit painfully and unexpectedly, but it did.

"I know." Ichigo sighed again, massaging his bruised ribs. "You want me to come over? It's okay if you don't." He added quickly.

"I have work today." He heard Chad's tired voice and his heart almost broke. "After that I need to buy new P.E. clothes and I thought about going to bed early, I'm dead tired."

"I can hear that." Ichigo smiled softly.

Another moment spent only on listening to each other's breaths trough the phone was spoiled by Karin's yell from kitchen.

"Ichi-nii! Dinner's ready!"

Ichigo only rolled his eyes.

"You sure you don't want to come over for dinner?"

"Ichigo, I'll be fine." Chad's voice calmed him down. "Go."

With a soft 'Bye' Ichigo put down the phone and made his way to the stairs, but as soon as he did Yuzu popped out of kitchen and looked at him with worry.

"Ichi-nii, what about dinner?"

He just waved his hand while climbing up the stairs.

"Sorry, I'm not hungry."

He entered his room, the vague sounds of nervous talking from downstairs reaching his ears. Ignoring Kon and his annoyed pleas for attention Ichigo slumped himself down to bed, completely spent. He cursed loudly and turned, so he didn't rest on his bad side. Soon enough he drifted of to restless sleep.

-------------------

Ichigo couldn't do it. Standing at the pharmacy shop in front of that dreadful shelf, hidden from usual customers in a far corner of the room, he just couldn't reach out and take what he needed. With a furiously red blush he turned around, leaving the building and making his way home.

It should have been the easiest thing in the world, it's not like he was some blushing high school girl!

'_Okay, scratch that'_. Ichigo thought bitterly. '_You're acting like one_.'

He got home, carefully looked around the rooms making sure that girls were out and his father was nowhere to be seen, before he proceeded to the clinic and the room that his father usually took patients to.

He rummaged trough one of the shelves, not finding what he looked for. Feeling his frustration grow, Ichigo scowled and looked inside the drawer underneath. He was sure he had seen his father giving one of these things to a patient...

Victory, at last. Ichigo stared at it for a second more, then snatched one pack and with full intention to never go trough that fuss again he turned around, only to yelp at surprise when he saw a mildly interested Isshin standing in a doorway.

"What do you have there?"

'_Shit_.' Ichigo frowned, trying to stay cool, holding the item in his closed hand behind his back.

"Nothing."

"I thought I taught you better then to steal drugs from the clinic."

"I am NOT." Ichigo spat immediately, shocked that his father even dared to suggest such a thing.

"Then there is nothing wrong with showing me what you got there, is there?"

Ichigo started blankly for a second, fighting another blush that crept up his neck and cheeks.

"Damn it." He scratched his head in embarrassment, messing his hair even more and raised his hand, holding up small, foiled package. "It's condoms, ok? Not drugs."

It took Isshin a moment to process this thought trough his surprised mind.

"Oh my, my little Ichigo is growing up so fast!"

That was it. Ichigo almost smacked his father across the head; He knew Isshin would react in the mushy and hyper way like he always did. Like he wasn't embarrassed enough!

"I am not having sex yet!" He tried to defend himself but his father apparently chose to be deaf to his words. "I just... I want to be prepared!"

Seeing that Isshin didn't react much to what Ichigo growled in frustration, he frowned even more and then stomped angrily out of the clinic, but his dad's voice stopped him before be disappeared behind the door.

"Oi, Ichigo."

The orange-haired teen turned around, only to see Isshin throw something to him, which he grabbed in mid air. He looked down at the item, realizing that it was small bottle of oil.

"What the--"

"You and Sado-kun might need this one later on."

That was it, this time Ichigo _did_ blush, as much as he hated to admit it. He opened him mouth to give out some snarky response, but after seeing his father wore a perfectly serious expression he stopped himself just in time.

"...Thanks." He replied simply, leaving the clinic and going to his room.

Maybe his father wasn't so stupid after all.

-------------------

He was sprawled on Chad's bed, flipping trough some music magazine, the other boy seated on the floor with his back supported by the bed frame, practicing on his guitar.

Ichigo liked to hear him play, and even though a bass guitar wasn't really made just for playing solo, he still enjoyed it. Right now Chad was just fooling around with the cords absent-mindly, apparently lost in thoughts.

"My father caught me stealing condoms from the clinic."

Chad stopped, first initial shock at his words sinking in and then, acting quite out of character, he started laughing out loud.

"He did what?"

Ichigo scowled, lightly smacking the other teen across the head with his magazine.

"Tsh! You should be grateful, I did it for the both of us."

Chad still laughed a little, apparently unable to calm down immediately. Ichigo didn't really mind, it was rare to see Chad this way, as the other boy usually didn't laugh like this.

"It was hell." Ichigo's eyes narrowed even more when he remembered the scene. "He went all mushy about how his son is growing up and all that shit."

The other boy chuckled some more, then put his guitar away safely and leaning more against the bed frame he supported his head at Ichigo's middle-thigh.

"Why would you steal it? It's not like we---" He paused, thinking about the way to put it without being too blunt. "It's not like we're there yet."

The young Shinigami's angry expression softened a little and he fixed his eyes on some particularly interesting spot on the ceiling, suddenly nervous and not wanting to look into Chad's eyes.

"I know." He sighed, his fingers playing with the corners of the magazine he was rumpling. "And I don't want to rush it. When I hear people settling dates for it weeks before I know it's not like how I want it. It's like making an appointment at hospital." He scowled again at the thought and could see Chad nodding lightly. "But one day it might--- will happen and when it does, I want to be prepared."

Ichigo looked like saying those words was the greatest effort he ever took. He still refused to look at Chad and a tint of red blush was creeping up his neck.

But Chad knew. The strawberry-blonde boy had pretty much vocalized what he himself didn't put to words. Ichigo was brought up by man who ran his own clinic, the son of a doctor. One could predict he was instructed about safe sex ever since he hit puberty.

Chad raised himself a little bit, sitting next to Ichigo on his bed and leaned over, to nuzzle his best friend's cheek with tip of his nose.

"Thank you." He whispered, deciding that showing a bit of gratitude for the other boy thinking ahead wouldn't hurt him at all.

The kiss that came seconds later was soft and sweet, Ichigo's arm winding up around his neck, pulling their chests closer in a silent plea for warmth. Chad finally lied down on the bed, resting his head in the crook of Ichigo's neck and closing his eyes in comfort.

A few moments of silence passed, and they both were slowly drifting off to sleep, until the smaller boy finally spoke.

"He gave me lube too, you know"

This time Ichigo was prepared for the laughter that escaped his soon-to-be-lover's lips.

-------------------

Chad was still looking trough shelves, a metal shopping basket in his hand. Picking up the food he scratched it from the mental list he had in his head. Yesterday they had eaten almost everything he had in the fridge. They were supposed to be learning, of course, but it never really worked out, as they soon forgot about lessons and instead involved in intense make out sessions. Chad smiled a little, remembering Ichigo scowling at him afterwards, telling him that if he fails tests because they chose to grope each other instead of learning he might as well study at his own home. Which he did, sadly, the upcoming test was too important to flunk it.

Without thinking too much he took a small plastic pack of strawberries from the shelf and made his way to the cash register.

-------------------

Weeks have passed, and chilly days of late winter were finally over, spring now fully taking over, blessing people with sun and warmth. School girls changed their long skirts for shorter ones, boys often took off their jackets to show short-sleeved shirts underneath. Winter term results came in and much to his surprise, Ichigo still found himself quite high on the list. He was sure that with his late... distractions coming from Chad's side, plus his work as a Shinigami made him go down in the ranks. But no, somehow he still held on, even though Chad was, as always, listed up way up above him.

There were no more incidents in school, even though he expected more bullying to come. But except for Chad's locker so far it seemed that things calmed down. Still, Ichigo realized that more then a few people found out that he and Chad were together and the fact that they knew bothered him. There was no security, knowing that every day something might leash out at them when they were the least expecting it. He was a pessimist, but a realist as well.

It was Friday, perspective of blessed school-free days after a week of tests put Ichigo in a good mood. They were heading out to Chad's home, which, quite frankly, became a habit for the young Shinigami. The warm wind made them pull their jackets off, leaving some of their skin to be caressed by the sunlight. They were crossing a small bridge over that dreadful river that Ichigo learned to avoid as much as possible. It was then when he stopped and leaned over the rail, looking at the deep water.

"I used to hate this place." He confessed, a tiny scowl spoiling his features. "Too many bad memories."

Chad leaned right next to him, but he instead fixed his stare at the horizon.

The Grand Fisher was still out there, lurking somewhere in the shadows, observing, waiting for the right moment... Ichigo could feel his presence, some nudging numbness in the back of his mind, almost like the hollow was hiding there, tiring him out mentally and physically. He was like a terrible, painful pang of conscience, constantly making him twitch in suspense every time his gaze met the river stream.

"Maybe you should create new ones, then."

Ichigo looked at him with the most confused look he could possibly muster, making Chad smile with the corner of his mouth.

"New memories." He explained. "To erase the bad ones."

The orange-haired boy looked at the river once more, his expression thoughtful and even though he would never admit it, also a bit lost.

"It's not that simple."

Of course it wasn't. Chad knew, he learned about the scar that ran deep down the insides of his best friend, the inner mark that caused him to scowl and be in a foul mood most of the time.

"But I don't think that trying would hurt." The young Shinigami added slowly. He turned around, his back at the rail now, leaning against it in a somehow relaxed manner. He didn't protest when Chad inched closer and not paying attention to anyone who could see them, Ichigo raised his head the slightest bit, arching up into a kiss.

It seemed much like their first kiss, Ichigo's lips unusually dry and his breath nervous, as if it was something new, something they weren't used to. But once again, Chad understood. It was this place, the numb presence still lingering on the bank of the river. For Ichigo, it was like facing his inner demons and it was that scary, dark feeling that made him act so distant.

And suddenly, quite unexpectedly, the world around them turned soft and calm, warmth wrapping around them like a blanket, shielding from the outside world. Something was gathering in the dark corners of Ichigo's heart, like a balsam healing the old scars, maybe not removing them completely, but at least soothing the burning sensation he felt each time his eyes fell on the river stream...

Lips parted, eyelids fluttered open, soft breathing warming up the skin better then the spring wind.

"I..." Ichigo stammered, lips moving in search of words he couldn't quite grasp.

"I like you too, Ichigo." Chad interrupted, already suspicious of what his best friends was about to say. "I mean, I really _like_ you."

On the small bridge over the most hated river in Karakura, Ichigo's heart skipped a beat from sheer happiness.

-------------------

Saying those three simple words couldn't have been more difficult.

Really, it was just one verb and two nouns, three words that even a ten year old was able to say without failing.

Yet, it seemed to Ichigo that even though he wanted... _needed_ to say them so badly his mouth never allowed him to actually spill that confession from his lips.

And it hurt. It hurt him so much, knowing what he felt, but not being able to articulate it.

That night was different and Ichigo knew it. Never mind that that late spring storm cut down the electricity in the town, they managed to do quite well with candles and occasionally helping themselves with a flashlight. But now, in the dark bedroom, lightened up by one single tea light candle, Ichigo knew that it was something different.

He sensed it in a the kisses that Chad was leaving all over his face. He read it in his own movements, his hands traveling up and down his partner's back, dipping in the particularly interesting curves of his spine. This one night was holding something unusual, something that wasn't there before, something that they both knew already but not yet dared to vocalize.

Ichigo moved his hands from the other boy's back only to run it them trough his chocolate-colored locks, gripping them lightly, not enough to hurt or disturb. A large hand slipped underneath the hem of his t-shirt, applying a gentle pressure on the ribs, ticking them slightly, until Ichigo smiled into the kiss, a content look of satisfaction adoring his features. Oh yes, Ichigo was quite ticklish and ever since Chad learned about it he had used the fact for his advantage.

When the tea light flickered one last time and then went out both of them stopped only for a second, but quickly returned to the matter at hand. They didn't really need light, both of them having already memorized the maps of their bodies by heart.

There was no confusion, no fear, just a slightly worried, questioning look that Chad gave him in the dark. The look that spoke of a need for assurance, a confirmation that yes, it was alright, that Ichigo was ready. And the strawberry-blonde didn't really have to reply in words; just one loving, tender look was more then enough for Chad to be sure.

They kissed again, slowly and gently, just a brushing of lips, no tongues nor bruising need involved. This was not the proper time to show passion or lust, this was an almost sacred moment to be cherished, a kind of mutual connection that was about to be taken one more step forward. When Ichigo's lips finally parted in silent invitation Chad, of course, took the offer, exploring the soft cavern of the fairer boy's mouth, tasting him like he was the very best dish in the world, taking in the unique feeling that could be only Ichigo, no one else.

The sensual kiss left Ichigo gasping for air, lids heavy with satisfaction, fingers still combing trough the mass of curly brown hair. Chad's hands were everywhere, and for the time being, Ichigo didn't mind at all the attention he was getting, almost a worship-like manner.

Chad's body was pressing him into the sheets, an already familiar pressure that Ichigo learned to long for if they were apart. It almost seemed funny, as the small voice of rationality back in Ichigo's mind told him that he shouldn't really be enjoying this, being as submissive as he was, wanting other men. He shouldn't kiss the other boy and surely he shouldn't moan and whimper like a god damn woman! That this was _filthy_, something that nature didn't have in its plans, that it was awkward and _wrong_.

'_Screw the rationality_.' Ichigo thought while his hands finally moved from Chad's hair to grab at the fabric of his shirt and take it off, bearing the other boy's chest to his sight.

He never wanted other men. He never craved for manly touch, for the feeling of actually _being_ a bottom. It was never like that. The only one who knew him like this was Chad, the only one he ever kissed and touched intimately was Chad, and the only one filling his senses to the point of going insane was _Chad_. It never could be filthy or wrong, not with him, not like this when he was pouring all of his heart into a kiss that made Ichigo's soul sing with content happiness. He did not feel less of a man because he allowed his best friend to strip him of his clothes, to kiss him into oblivion and probably soon enough, in matter of minutes, he would allow him to mark him, to claim his body...

Ichigo moaned, very quietly, when he realized they both were naked already. When did Chad manage to take off both of their clothes? Had he been that deep in thought?

Paying more attention to the current situation Ichigo ran his hands down the chocolate-tanned body. Trimmed fingernails scraping lightly over the taunt muscles, stopping for a second in the dark, curly hair that ran down from other boy's navel to the soft thatch surrounding base of his sex, now hard and firm when Ichigo closed his hand around it. Chad gasped, then let out low, almost soundless moan, hiding his face in the crook of Ichigo's neck, still smelling slightly of the light cologne the orange-haired Shinigami used to wear.

"Chad" Ichigo whispered into his ear, voice small and husky, warm breath blowing at his earlobe. "I want you. All of you, right now, tonight." He reassured his words with a slightly firmer jerk of his hand, earning himself another moan.

There was something in Chad's eyes that caused Ichigo to stop his movement for a second. Something hidden deep, something that was, until that moment, closed inside of him. It touched Ichigo on a personal level and now it poured out in the warm, almost burning look that Chad gave him. It almost overwhelmed Ichigo, almost caused him to turn away his gaze, intimidated by the intensity of that look. But he held on, he never broke the eye contact, taking in all that Chad wanted to tell him and never got courage to do so.

"Yes." The young Shinigami whispered a confirmation of a the question that never was spoken out loud. "_Yasutora._.."

Chad shivered, hearing his name, so rarely used by the other boy, roll from his tongue in a the sweetest way possible, just like it was some kind of magic spell, binding the two of them even closer. He eased away those hands that were still holding him and moved them to rest on both sides of Ichigo's head. Lacing those long fingers with one of his own hands, he reached to his night table and pulled out two things that still rested there, a prized possession his lover acquired trough long struggling.

The sound of the cap of the plastic bottle opening made Ichigo jump the tiniest bit, the strained nerves finally speaking up. Chad kissed him, long and slowly, massaging their tongues together in a sensual dance. Then he felt something unpleasantly chilly and wet against his entrance and he finally understood that there was no backing out now, no more secrets between them after this very night. But Ichigo wanted this, needed this badly, needed to know that whatever happens, Chad will be there. He vaguely wondered how in the world Chad knew what to do, how he could kiss him at the same time, but once that slick, cold finger started to rub against him, coaxing him open, all rational thoughts went out like a light.

It was personal, it was intimate and Ichigo loved every second of it.

He whimpered lightly once that long, shapely finger slip inside him till the first knuckle, a matching groan escaping both of them. Chad never would have suspected that he possessed those hot, burning and primal feelings that build up inside of him right now. Everything was perfect; the needy moan that escape Ichigo's lips, brows furrowed not in anger but in pleasure, the tight warmth closing around his finger once he moved it up an inch more.

Ichigo whimpered again, soft '_Yasutora_' escaping him like a mantra, rubbing against their lips still locked together in a kiss. It was almost like he needed to repeat that very special name, to reassure himself that he still knew how to speak.

Ichigo closed his eyes shut as that long digit that was fingering him slowly brushed across that special spot, that caused him to grip tightly onto the other boy's shoulder blades, surely leaving bruises. But Chad didn't mind, instead of that he slipped a second finger inside that lovely body beneath him.

This time, unlike the first sensation, it was no longer simply awkward, it actually _hurt_. It seemed almost stupid to Ichigo; he could take the blow that Aizen dealt him, causing almost all of his intestines to fall out and not even groan. Yet here, at the slow sting of pain at more then a tolerable level, he whimpered in discomfort, earning himself an apologetic kiss.

The fingers inside of him reached out to that little bundle of nerves again, causing Ichigo to forget about the initial pain and spread his legs a bit wider, rocking onto the invading hand.

Chad closed his eyes, hard, not to come from simply watching the other boy writhe against his palm, head slightly thrown back, and exposing that long and graceful line of a neck to him. The sounds escaping his lover didn't help to calm down his already overwhelmed senses.

"_Yasutora_..." again, that name spilling from the soft lips, sounding almost like a curse, sweet and sinful at the same time. "It's okay now... That's enough..."

That was all Chad would take, really. Removing his fingers the from depths of the young Shinigami's body he felt like his release was just around the corner, like the next touch would send him over the edge. But he held on, somehow, even though putting on the condom provided a bit of a difficulty at first, and the touch of his own hand covering himself in lube was burning him up.

They kissed, again, they caressed and touched, as if to make sure for the last, final time that this was really what they both wanted. But there really was no need for more reassurances, only their own nerves causing them to hesitate. And soon enough, Chad's hands gently parted Ichigo's thighs a little bit more, his hand guiding his erection against the opening to Ichigo's body.

The initial touch felt a bit weird and they had slight difficulties at first, but soon enough the head of Chad's cock slid into the warmth of his lover's body.

Ichigo waited. It wasn't that bad yet, not much more then his fingers were at the very beginning, so he braced himself, wrapping his arms around Chad's chest and hiding his face in his neck.

Then Chad moved, sinking into the tight channel an inch more and this time he actually heard a moan of pain escaping the other boy. He raised himself on his elbows, no need to guide himself with his hand anymore, and looked at the strawberry-blonde boy, concern in his eyes.

"Ichigo...you're alright?"

But Ichigo wasn't really fine. He knew it would hurt, he was ready for it and as much as he loved the knowledge that it was _Chad_ who was filling him up right now, the whole sensation was much more painful then he could imagine.

"Yeah." He whispered in shaky breath, a lie that could cause him more pain soon, but he really didn't care. He wanted this; he wanted this to happen that night, with _him_. "I'm fine..."

Chad didn't look like he was convinced. It was Ichigo's pained expression, his softening erection, his hands gripping at his shoulders with trembling fingers... But it didn't look like Ichigo was about to say anything, apparently wanting that night to happen no matter the costs.

His mouth descended on Ichigo's again, one of his hands reaching down to take a hold of his length, stroking the sensitive organ back to life. It made Ichigo moan, the sound muffled trough their kiss and the tight pressure against Chad's cock eased down a bit, allowing him to sink into the other body a bit further.

Chad wasn't built in a very impressive manner, he was about average-size, only slightly bigger then Ichigo. But right now the young Shinigami could sense the difference, painfully sliding into him inch after agonizing inch. He willed himself to stay quiet, to not whimper or moan in pain, but it was difficult. Against his will his vision filled with tears, and he was glad that Chad didn't see his face right now. It was an awkward, eerie mix of emotions; pleasure from the hand that stroked his erection and the stinging, burning pain radiation from his entrance. When Chad slid all the way in, Ichigo could actually _feel_ his skin tearing and only then a chocked sob finally escaped his lips.

He could feel Chad holding him closer, head hiding in the crook of his neck, now covered in a thin layer of sweat, as well as the rest of their bodies. It must have strained him too, staying in control over his moves like that...

"I'm sorry..." Chad repeated to him all over and over again as he kissed away the wet trace of tears on Ichigo's face. The hair over his face clung to his skin damply, and Ichigo ran his hand trough it, partially pulling it back, so he could see the other boy's eyes.

"_Yasutora_, move... Move, please..."

And he did, covering Ichigo's mouth with his own to muffle down the sounds of discomfort when he pulled back, almost sliding all the way out, only to push himself back in, slowly but surely. The first movement caused Ichigo to cry out in pain, still not used to the friction. The second was pretty much the same, but the third... that one was a bit tainted with need. Chad released his mouth, hoping that the worst pain was gone. Indeed, once he rolled his hips at a slightly different angle the pain in Ichigo's voice was fainter, as it actually started to feel good for him too. Chad went slowly, at least as much as he could hold himself back, since he was already at the point he could burst. One of his hands grabbed a hold of Ichigo's thigh and held it up a little higher, not enough to strain the muscles, but enough for him to sink in deeper. The other still kept their fingers laced tightly together.

It was good, more then good. It was amazing, maddening, causing them both to gasp in surprise every few, firmer moves. Constantly rolling together, rocking back and forth, the friction of their bodies growing into a steady rhythm. Pulling away, only to pull close, hips meting each other with that wet noise, not really unpleasant or sickening but not the best either. The growing need in Ichigo's voice that paid off all the previous pain, the name of his lover on his lips like a prayer, as if it was the only word he knew by now, like his whole world consisted of it. The smell, voice, hearing, it all was only about Chad, only about Ichigo. They didn't really hear anything else nor could think about anything else, not when they were joined like that, in the most private and loving way.

Chad knew he was close, but so was Ichigo. He just needed to hold on a few moments more...

He was right, only a few more thrusts and Ichigo started to shiver. He chocked back a sob, once, twice, and then his fingers closed in a death grip over Chad's shoulders as he tried to quiet down the long, throaty moan that escaped his lips, his seed splattering noisily over their stomachs. And it was all Chad needed, to know that his lover came as well and released himself with a groan so loud it might as well have counted as a quiet shout. Ichigo could feel him pulsing inside, trough the barrier of protection.

They laid down still for a few long moments, and then Chad finally slipped out of the beautiful body underneath him, scowling slightly at the sudden loss of that warmth. He was completely spent, finding only enough strength to take off the condom and throw it into the waste bin by his desk. He turned around on the bed... only to find Ichigo still laying still, one arm over his eyes and shaking slightly as something in the shape of a sob shook his frame.

Chad was startled; it was not something he expected from the other boy. He eased himself on the bed next to him, reaching out to take that arm away from his lover's face. Ichigo wasn't crying, but his eyes were a little watery, his breath escaping his lungs in shaky sobs, his body trembling.

It couldn't be entirely from the pain, Chad wondered, as he lowered his head and softly kissed Ichigo's temple. He _had_ hurt him, he saw that the condom was covered in thin layer of blood, but his sheets were clean, meaning he didn't bleed _that_ much.

"Ichigo, what's wrong? Please tell me what is wrong."

He was scared, all right. Pulling Ichigo close to him he waited for the strawberry-blonde to calm down. Ichigo simply shook his head, his arm wounding around Chad's neck in a gentle embrace.

"Nothing." He whispered in a small voice, sobs already gone but the occasional shiver still shook him up. "Nothing is wrong, it was just... intense."

And then Chad understood. There weren't many times when Ichigo opened up like this, being quite vulnerable to the raw emotions that took control over his body.

He chose to say nothing more, just holding the other boy close, waiting for him to calm down and fall asleep, content and satisfied.

They didn't need to speak out those three, meaningful words. They both heard them already, in each other's heartbeats.


End file.
